A Cathartic Exercise: Shredding the Past

Posted by on Jul 7, 2010 in Blog Posts | 4 comments

I cleaned out and straightened up the kitchen desk early last week.  I had an odd burst of organizing energy.  Perhaps I had grown weary of seeing the small piles, the toteable fabric file that had old papers in it and the overstuffed recipe folders filled with lots of tested and untested recipes in no order.

I had let things get out of hand, so I took my hands and put them to use.  Where chaos reigned, order has been restored.  Aaaaah.

While doing this purge of paper piles and drawer debris, I learned some things.  They are the takeaways from the task.

  • One day, old school calendars, handbooks, parent night handouts, and each semester’s computerized report cards can go to the recycle bin or paper shredder along with the memories of what I thought were urgent school progress prayers prayed admittedly, with tossing doubt rather than firm faith.  

The takeaway?  Young mother who worries about your child’s success or failure to the point of not enjoying their childhood with them between August-May each year, lighten up.  No amount of worry contributes to their college admittance, IF God even has college planned for him/her.

  • Sometimes, letting go of all the old paperwork that chronicles your success, failure, attempts, and how-tos at keeping up with the goals the latest weight loss program suggests for you, can give you the quickest result of weight loss in the shortest amount of time.   I promise you that after I emptied out the drawer with the last joining’s notebooks, etc. I lost 10 pounds of weight in paper alone in 15 seconds.  On top of all that, I think I lost a lot of weight in mental anguish and self-defeat I had been trying to tote around.  I opened the drawer, pulled it out, and just dumped its contents in the garbage and said, “Now’s not the time for me to hang onto you.  You make me feel guilty and are a source of constant self-berating every time I open you and see what you have in store.  Bye!”  Wow, this one is so hard.  If you know me, you know this has been a serious struggle for me to walk through and I have kept it from you in writing a long time.  Some of you will want to write a comment telling me I’m fearfully and wonderfully made.  You’re right, but please don’t.  That’s not my purpose for divulging this.  For the sake of “saying” this and being real with you, I ask you to refrain from complimenting my “beauty” because I sense a huge compulsion for the sake of somebody who has ventured here today.  I must tell you, though, this is one of THE biggest ways the enemy gets in my head and does a serious number on me through comparing myself with others (real and air-brushed).  I am not alone in this epidemic.

So, the takeaway?  Let go of the past’s successes and/or failures that have led up to today.  Move forward focusing on God.  (This one thing reminds me of another post I need to write.  So, stay tuned to more on this subject.  I’ve typed the title on a blog draft so I won’t forget it.)  I am still learning how to let go of the past successes and failures.  I do not have that down at all.  I hope I will one day, sooner rather than later.

Those were probably the most profound takeaways from the afternoon’s organizing. 

It’s nice to be back on the blog.  Some of you might have been concerned that I have not been well with the chemo, but I have just not had things to write and the break did me some good.  Plus, we had a good several days in the cool mountain air (where internet is not handy) and I have come home refreshed and with a few writing ideas.  I will start the last four rounds of a new chemo combo this week.  This combo will conclude in August.  I have heard some things of what to anticipate but because this is a new combo for me, I am not going in with preconceived notions.  I do greatly covet your prayers for God’s continued sustaining of my body to endure what lies ahead.  God goes before me.  He’s aware.  He’s prepared.  I plan to take the next step and that is to just show up for chemo once again!

Hug yourselves!

4 Comments

  1. Only 4 more Girl! Praying for you daily!!!
    Love
    April

  2. So good to hear from you. You are daily in my prayers and thoughts.

    love you,
    Frannie

  3. Missed your words of hope, love and strenght….I realized in your typing silence, how much your words fill my life with thoughts and happies!

  4. So needed this! I am thinking about my kitchen catch all and my messy office. Most resonating was the comment about being able to enjoy August – May. Wow. That was God speaking to me through you!

    I miss you. I am praying for you. Hopefully I can see you once school starts back.

    And put this in your AFter BC file….SHE SPEAKS with KELLI!
    love you!

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