I’m interrupting the nesting posts to give you a bit of good news and not wonderful news (which is an odd way of saying good news when it’s unknown what lies ahead).
First, Dr. Pippas says my bone marrow is wonderful! However, he wants to bring my blood counts down to lower numbers . There’s science and biology to all this that I won’t explain very well, but it’s the right thing for him to do. So, the good news is my bone marrow is wonderful.
As a result of upping the chemo dosage, I may go through the side effects of chemo that I have been blessed to miss. So, I ask you to pray for me these next three Thursdays as God leads you to pray.
Well, you know what? I am not afraid. I am not mad. I am not disappointed. Why? God is in control. He is faithful. I trust Him. He will glorify Himself through all of this. To Him be the glory!
As I told my family in an email update yesterday, we’ve been praying for all “A’s” on my blood count report card. God has heard. We were praying in accordance with His will, I do believe. And now? Well, we are going to be praying in accordance with His will for this upped dosing to begin this week. I believe we need to pray for “D’s”. We don’t want a bottoming out. However, having the proof that my blood counts are lower is good. It will mean the chemo is doing its job. Sure, I can tell a difference outwardly in the tumor’s size and feel. Even though lower blood counts can indicate some things, I still know that God is
bigger than blood counts,
sovereign over bone marrow production,
keeping me protected from illness,
healing me by His power,
showing up second after second,
protecting me from harm,
seeing how my soul, mind, and body respond,
caring for my every need,
loving me unceasingly;
He is in control.
So, after hearing that the “roller coaster” is now going to be headed backwards since I’ve grown accustomed to the predictability of the forward motion (of my responses to the chemo thus far), I did what any one of you would do.
I took my car for a car wash and met my husband at Dinglewood. I figured that I might as well enjoy a nice bowl of their chili while able. I had onions on it, too! Oh yeah!
While there, we saw Bebo Norman. Actually, Rob noticed him. I considered getting Rob to take a picture of me with Bebo without him knowing it. I was willing to lean up against the wall that was perpendicular to his booth to give the illusion I was “with” him and his family. I’ve met him before, but it’s been a while and well, I had hair then…and you and I know that even those who know me well have had a hard time recognizing me without my usual “do”.
Rob also reminded me of a song Bebo wrote for a fundraiser concert for a local Young Life leader several years ago who was diagnosed with cancer at the time. Bebo wrote the song, “I Am,” for that event. Rob then reminded me of the words in the song and I just thought it was too timely considering my earlier appointment with my oncologist…Here are the lyrics in the chorus. Read them and weep (in a good way, I mean):
I am in the sun, I am in the shade
I am in the light that love has made
I am in the cold, I am in the warm
I am in the center of your storm
I am in the fire, I am in the flood
I am in the marrow and the blood
When you cannot stand…I am (from Bebo Norman’s song, I Am)
Yes, He is in the marrow and the blood. He’s been there all along. That is such a comfort, more comforting than that bowl of delicious chili.