Somehow the days go by and I realize I haven’t blogged. I used to be so regular with this thing. Surely, that will return. I have no excuses except that I have few words. (Smile). That may be rather hard for some of you to believe. But, believe it. For now, I am a more quiet me; a more pensive ponderer as I continue to take in what God has done in healing me.
I desire to quietly soak it in. How do I explain it to myself and to you? Experiencing healing is a sober joy. It is overwhelming.
My oncologist helped me to understand what I have been feeling by saying that what I went through was like being in a car accident. You have to go through the accident and then begin to process what just happened.
I am still processing.
Actually, I’m still in process with the radiation. All is going well with that. Day 10 is today. Twenty-three more to go.
And then? What do I truly want to do?
I want to quietly come home after radiation 33 and enjoy returning to “normal”. As Carol Kent has titled one of her books, I would like to copy it as I will adjust to a “new kind of normal”; life after breast cancer. I will pray for protection from lymphedema (even though I have my compression sleeve and the glove they call a “gauntlet” just in case I notice swelling in the left arm). I have told my children and now I tell all those reading this, that if you’re with me one day and I should just pass out and be unable to speak, please make sure no one takes my blood pressure in the left arm or gives me a shot there or draws blood from it. Those are all no-no’s now that the nodes are gone. I guess you could say they are no-no’s from no nodes.
Several friends have wanted to throw a party to celebrate the end of cancer in my life. I smile and kindly tell them that I’d rather not. It’s true. I’m just not into the party scene over this. Once it’s all over, I just want to move on. The more intimate times of tearful celebration with my own husband, our boys, and the doctors have been enough. In my daily quiet times of prayer I remind God of His goodness toward me and celebrate in quiet thanksgiving to Him for how He’s carried me every step of the way. I have times of repentance for the doubts that still pop in from time to time. It’s hard to admit how quickly doubts can come even after seeing God at work in my life.
God is good. To Him be the glory! (SDG!=Soli Deo Gloria!)