Still…

Posted by on Mar 5, 2012 in Blog Posts | 4 comments

Sometimes I sit still in my study chair…
as in I am still learning how to live…

as in I am once again letting go of some things in order to be still a little bit more…

Is it a midlife crisis or is it just life?

Whichever it may be, I am still trying to figure out some things.

When I was younger I had so much more confidence in myself.  Now, I don’t seem to have as much.  I face a new thing with some measure of fear of failing, fear of getting sick, fear of burning out, and fear of losing a little freedom I have gained.

My creative side wants to write, speak, grow herbs, cook, knit, cross-stitch and sew.
I want to take classes to learn some skills and improve in some of those things.  Classes cost money.
My cautious side wants to not invest too much time or too much money in any of it.

Just last week, I told the Wednesday ladies I was discontinuing the studies on that day.  I’ll be better prepared for Thursday’s group and I will have a little less time spent sitting at the desk preparing the lessons….more time to take better care of myself. It was hard to do, but it was right.

I still struggle with making my physical healthcare a priority.

I am volunteering at the very facility where I received my chemo in 2010.  I enjoy the once-a-week stint as I visit with the patients, get them beverages and warm blankets, and wipe down their areas when they leave for the day.  I am happy there giving back where God gave to me.  I feel like I am putting what I am studying in the Bible to practice in a new way.  I am just there to help.  I am not in charge of anyone.  I am there to be a presence of hope.  I am still alive!

And it reminds me of the lessons I learned during that time of healing that I have let slip away through my fingers.  I still need these lessons:

  • Serve where God calls me to serve (not every recognized need means I’m called)
  • Take care of my health
  • Enjoy resting
  • Go outside and walk
  • Drink water…lots of water
  • Eat fresh, simple food in small quantities
  • Enjoy hobbies
  • Pray without ceasing
  • Laugh, smile, and cry well
  • Do a few things well, rather than lots of things poorly (see the first one up there)
  • Be an encouragement, offer hope, stop being so negative
  • Love God, love others, love myself
  • Show compassion
  • Be thankful
  • Be merciful
  • Don’t worry about anything…pray about everything.
Encouragement:
I am still learning lots of things and one of the main things is that our circumstances change but God stays the same.  He is our constant Savior!
Opportunity for Response:
What about you?  What are you still learning?

4 Comments

  1. Love this post. Thanks, Amy.

  2. My Dear Friend – Amy:

    You know that I am right there with you, learning to be still and still learning! But if we weren’t still learning in all aspects of our lives we would not truly be living. I believe that God wants us to be still – to just BE so we can hear his voice through His Word, living graciously and thankfully and appreciating the smallest of miracles to the biggest ones. I understand the health concerns – everytime I go for my 6 month check-up I just about get ill. It is nerve wrecking living with such a “cloud” overhead and waiting for results; but I will not let IT define me – past or present. And you know that I am pulling back from many things too. People may not understand now, but I pray they eventually will, and allow me the opportunity to take care of myself so I will have more to give in the capacity that I can give. I know I am rambling, but at least I am still here, still learning and learning to be still to refresh myself spiritually, mentally and physically.

    Love you!

    Cathie

    • Hey Cathie,
      Thanks for your encouraging words and for being a sweet friend!

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