|Sometimes I sit still in my study chair…|
as in I am once again letting go of some things in order to be still a little bit more…
Whichever it may be, I am still trying to figure out some things.
When I was younger I had so much more confidence in myself. Now, I don’t seem to have as much. I face a new thing with some measure of fear of failing, fear of getting sick, fear of burning out, and fear of losing a little freedom I have gained.
My creative side wants to write, speak, grow herbs, cook, knit, cross-stitch and sew.
I want to take classes to learn some skills and improve in some of those things. Classes cost money.
My cautious side wants to not invest too much time or too much money in any of it.
Just last week, I told the Wednesday ladies I was discontinuing the studies on that day. I’ll be better prepared for Thursday’s group and I will have a little less time spent sitting at the desk preparing the lessons….more time to take better care of myself. It was hard to do, but it was right.
I still struggle with making my physical healthcare a priority.
I am volunteering at the very facility where I received my chemo in 2010. I enjoy the once-a-week stint as I visit with the patients, get them beverages and warm blankets, and wipe down their areas when they leave for the day. I am happy there giving back where God gave to me. I feel like I am putting what I am studying in the Bible to practice in a new way. I am just there to help. I am not in charge of anyone. I am there to be a presence of hope. I am still alive!
And it reminds me of the lessons I learned during that time of healing that I have let slip away through my fingers. I still need these lessons:
- Serve where God calls me to serve (not every recognized need means I’m called)
- Take care of my health
- Enjoy resting
- Go outside and walk
- Drink water…lots of water
- Eat fresh, simple food in small quantities
- Enjoy hobbies
- Pray without ceasing
- Laugh, smile, and cry well
- Do a few things well, rather than lots of things poorly (see the first one up there)
- Be an encouragement, offer hope, stop being so negative
- Love God, love others, love myself
- Show compassion
- Be thankful
- Be merciful
- Don’t worry about anything…pray about everything.