I apologize for starting some new train of thought only to break it up at the beginning with a weekend of no posts (I don’t typically post on the weekend). I was sharing with you some “giants” which seem to interfere with my calling as a mom from time to time. The first was the giant of comparison and I addressed that Friday.
Today’s is the giant of control. Here is how he has managed to work in my own life as a mom:
- It keeps me from allowing myself the freedom to watch my children make some choices that may cause some hurt down the road. I’m not talking life or death matters here. I would save my sons’ lives if it were in my power to speak or act in a way that would prevent such. In the long run, it’s not allowing my sons to make a choice and live with consequences. That may be a better lesson than my input of prevention that they’ll resent.
- It keeps me from allowing my sons the opportunity to make a decision on their own if I think my way is better or best or simpler (however you want to describe it).
- This giant shows up in moments like these and may not just affect you as a mom, but you as a wife – packing the car for vacation, getting in the car and going from point A to point B and you verbally disapprove of the route, ordering pizza, or sending someone else to pick up a few groceries (you must have a specific size, brand, etc. and are downright rude if compliance is not achieved).
- This one causes you to nag, shout, harp on an issue, beat a dead horse, have the last word, always be right, etc. You get my point.
When we are under the control of a spirit of control we are out of the control of the Spirit of God. As a parent trying to control each scenario, each relationship, each homework assignment, each iPod entry, and so forth, for our children, what we are portraying is that we’d much rather have birthed remote control robots than human beings with minds.
Trust me, this one will leave long-lasting side effects between you and your child that he may not get over until you are dead and gone, if then.
It is our responsibility to teach our children God’s truth from the world’s lies. At some point we have to relinquish total control and gradually give them room to make choices and suffer consequences as they progress into independent living. It’s natural. It’s right. It’s of God.
So, when the giant of control comes lurking about your mind, what are you going to do? Well, I hope that you’ll begin to think of ways to let your child practice responsibility in a safe and loving environment. She won’t get it right all the time, but hopefully, over time, she’s going to begin to see the value of wise choices within healthy boundaries and feel valued by you and her Maker whether she succeeds or fails and has to try again.
What’s a good verse for this one? I like Ephesians 5:17 that says, “So then, do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.” This verse is so applicable in any number of situations, but I have found that when I have tried to control my children, especially as they are older now, I look like a fool. If I would just step back and realize that to control every aspect of my boys’ lives is impossible and exhausting. It’s foolish. Is that the kind of parent you want them to remember as they leave home for good one day?