You Have Turned My Mourning Into Joy. Thank You.

Posted by on Feb 6, 2014 in Blog Posts | 9 comments

Love Letter 3

Love Letter 3

Dear God,

You have turned my mourning into joy and for that I am so thankful.

For a while I was happy with my life even with the inconvenience of a few hiccups along the way. Most people would have said I had it all and had it all together. I thought I did, too. I was content for the most part.

But through circumstances you allowed, my world was rocked and I held firmly on to you. You didn’t let go either. You blessed me with the necessary people to walk along beside me and care for me. I was blessed through it all.

So, at the pivotal moment of happy news, by some strange physiological occurrence I plummeted into a pit of despair.

I didn’t eat. I couldn’t eat. Are you chuckling at that? You know me and you know I enjoy cooking and eating. So,that’s how I knew something was really wrong. That and the fact that I couldn’t sleep for days and I cried as soon as Rob left for work, staring out the window wondering how I would ever get out and live again.

But God, you were there.

The diagnosis of depression was almost a relief because in the diagnosis there was a way to get help and treatment. All those measures worked in time. You were there.

You were there when I questioned why a Christian should have to take medication to restore her emotional and mental health and the doctor along with a godly counselor were able to explain what all my body, soul, and spirit had been through and that the need was genuine, a true imbalance that needed medical attention.

You were there when I questioned if I should pass this news along to concerned friends who recognized my joy was not there. They prayed. They checked in. They didn’t reject me while I stayed home not knowing how or if I could overcome this.

You were there when I was able to share this with strangers who might find comfort in knowing they weren’t freaks, either.

You were there as I was weaned off of the medication and thrived…

for a little while. Yet, you were there then, too.

You watched, you prompted others to keep tabs, and you have allowed me to find peace once more in knowing that I may just need a smaller dose of the medicine for now or forever to ensure I remain in a good place of joy with you, hiccups and all.

You are here again today as I share it now in hopes that someone else will find comfort in knowing that depression is real and can hit godly people and the ungodly when we least expect it. Beginning to understand the mystery of aligning the spirit, soul, and body of a person has helped me to grasp more how tenderly you care for your clay creations and all our parts.

I would be remiss if I didn’t thank you also for Psalm 30.

I want to thank you, too, for my being able to genuinely say to my husband recently that I haven’t been this happy and at peace with my life (in a long time) as I am right now.

Thank you for turning my mourning into joy. Thank you for your continued healing spiritually, physically, and emotionally.

Love,

Amy

 

9 Comments

  1. Love it!! Kudos to you friend! It happens to the strongest, most faithful, and joyous of people..you are not alone…thank you for sharing…I got you!

    • Kourtney,
      You were one of those encouraging people God placed in my path…even if you had the unjoyful task of smushing me. ; ). Love and hugs to you!

  2. Been there and pretty much feel the same Amy. Still trying to pull it all together.

    • Dagmar,
      One of the blessings of that year was getting to meet you at JBACC. I will be praying for you as you endure. With God’s help you will come through this and see God’s goodness in your life. Love you!

      • <3

  3. Amy, I wrote a longer post then FB locked up. Wanted to say how much I’ve enjoyed our 38 year friendship, your generosity, genuiness, love for God, and for sharing your journey with us on the blog. I’ve been (still might be) in the place where you were. We need to realize that depression, counseling and meds do not equate to being a ‘bad’ Christian. Through grace, none of us are ‘bad’ in God’s eyes. Love you!

    • Hi Gay,
      Thank you for your friendship, compassion, understanding, and empathy. I agree with your sentiments. I was blind for too long and thought otherwise about Christians and depression. I was ignorant and have realized God’s forgiveness through what He has allowed me to experience in my life. I will be praying for you as you endure and praying you will see His hope in the midst. Love you!

  4. Of course you know I’ve walked that path too. It was a good thing for me and deepened my walk. Clinging to God is always a good thing. Out of control in our opinion, is in perfect control from God’s perspective. Coming to an agreement with that fact is the way to peace. Love you bunches! Kimberly

    • Kimberly,
      Yes, I remember your own personal story through this. I love that you are on the other side and have much encouragement to offer all of us who have spiraled down and gained a different perspective of God and his grace and His sovereign control in all our life. Thankful for your encouragement. Love you!

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